Trader Vic's is a time warp back to when tiki bars were synonymous with a stiff kind of cool that only a smoking-jacket kind of guy could enjoy. It looks like everything else in Hollywood – carefully researched and designed, and lovingly molded from the latest and greatest plastics. It's like the Mars 2012 of tikidom, but it's just got no soul. The food itself is overpriced and mediocre at best – we had the seared tuna, the wontons, and the chicken skewers, all of which were thoroughly okay.

The most inspired thing on the table according to my taste buds was the Rum Keg – a watery grapefruity drink for four served in a logistically difficult rum keg. For all the attention to decoration, there seemed to be a lack of attention to the experience of those actually sitting down at the table to eat – just a little too bright, a little too canned, and the wood-fire oven dressed up as a focal point behind  glass plates was a let-down, as it looked like a wine cask or a turbine of some sort – just an odd thing to have as a focal point when there’s nothing really to focus on.

All in all, Trader Vics just made me miss Tiki Ti – a real, down-home shack of a bar filled with barrels of Polynesian soul. It's only bar that could thrive on Gilligan's Island – the one where Mary Ann, the Skipper, the Professor, and Gilligan would all frequent. Drinks are a little pricey there too, but with good reason – just two will knock you on your keister before you can gleefully shout "Tiki Tiki Ti!!!" So if you're craving that island experience, save some cash and take the bus to Tiki Ti – you'll need it later!